Mosaic Festival 2012~Day 1 : Fashion Show & Mushaira

Mosaic Fest 2012 opened up on 16th August 2012, in Mississauga Art Gallery, with a substantial poise.

Yes, it was the “Woman of Substance walk”, in partnership with Indiva,  a renowned Fashion House from Yorkville.

What was thrilling was the scintillating line of beautiful models, from among the  women who make a difference in our Community. With the same poise and grace, that they have walked on the ramp of their professional lives, did these stunning models display the ensembles they were wearing from the renowned South Asian designers like Malani Ramani, Rohit Bal, Satya Paul, Ashley Robello, to name a few, all brought to display courtesy Wendy Dias, of  INDIVA.

The models line up of distinguisghed women, merits them all to be acknowledged for their accomplishmnets:
1.Linda Thomas: Ex. Dir. of Mississauga Arts gallery, a grandmom .
2. Indira Naidoo Harris: A journalist, a former Liberal candidate.
3.Shehla Khan: Engineer,with Canadian Nuclear Industry, designed Union Station, TO, and Karachi Airport.
4. Zehra Abbas: Founder, Ex Dir of YGTA, A youth led NPO, mobilising youth for Social Justice through arts.
5. Viera Kononenkova: A financial consultant
6. Angelie Sood: Host on XM Radio, heads a NPO ‘Share your light’ for the underprevilleged children
7. Salima Syereh Virani: Editor-in-Chief of MyBindi, SA hub for arts entertainment and lifestyle.
8.Atiya Khan: An ex-model in Pakistan, and now in direction & production in Canada. Promotes Sufism.
9. Surbhi Guleria Joshi : Co-founder of a Marketting Consulting Firm
10.: Bonnie Crombie: An elected councillor, from Ward-5, a community leader.
11. Anu Vithal : an entrepreneur, and Mosaic festival Director.

A few of them walk down the isle here, without giving any clue to their not being professional models:

Talking later to Bonnie Crombie, the politician, I asked her, “How did Bonnie, the model feel, walking on the ramp?”
‘Well it was an extremely exciting experience, and an honour to be walking down the red carpet, along with other distinguished women from the Community, whose resumes and accomplishments in real lives are far more elaborate than the dresses they were displaying.” Said Bonnie almost instantly.

Show casing on the sidelines was the Artist of Mosaic 2012, Misbah Ahmed, displaying her stunning pieces of hand crafted jewellary. It was mostly crafted of porcelain, visibly painfully hand painted, each piece was a unique piece of craft.

“It looks a real hard work” I could guess.
“I haven’t slept for a week” said Misbah, modestly.

It was hard to choose, which ones to pick for a photo  for the blog, and even harder still, which ones, not to buy. Though I went there as a blogger, but ended up becoming one her clients too.

Mosaic Musaira :
At the other side, the Amphitheatre had An Urdu-Hindi-Punjabi Mushaira, The Azadi Mushaira, by  Canadian South Asian poets. They shared their poetry, amids the da’ads ( applauds),  on diverse topis from love to peace to humour.

Some of the verses, form very few poets, that I could note down, while being engrossed in their narrations are here:

Sandeep Singh, shared his poem on ‘Aeena’ . I share a few verses of his  Hindi kavita poem):
Tasveer dikhayi deti hai ek, shaksh ki ghar Aaine mein
Thoda jana sa lagta hai, kuch pehle dekha aaine mein……..
Shuruaat mein to aksar us se, nazarein mil jaya karti thi
Koi baat chubh gayi hai meri, hai nazar churata aaine mein!
…………..
Socha ki badal daaloon nata, aise ranjeeda mehmanon se
Yeh soch makaan badal dale, par tha wahi wahan aaine mein!

…………..

Uzma Mahmood, who came to Canada from Lahore, in 1993,  also a Homeopathic doctor and mortagae agent, narrated:
Guzre huwe zamane ke hawale mein reh gaye
Ab who tamasha dekhne walon mein reh gaye.
Khamosh lab se baat ki tardeed main ne ki
Tab unke sab khwab sawalon mein reh gaye.
Itna taweel pehle na tha daur-e-intwezar
Wade naye visal ke sawalon mein reh gaye.
Karbne gaye the Alam-e-arwah ka safr
Who log jo asman waalon mein reh gaye.
Masroofiyat ne kerne ki taufeeq jab na di
Uzma who mere kaam khayalon mein reh gaye.

Poonam Jain Kaslimwal, who works at peel district School board recited her Hindi Kavita:
Rat thehri chandni munder pe
Poocha main ne, tu kaun desh se aai hai
Bata to zara kya koi sandesa laai hai
Muskurai, ithlai bole
Kyun kya hai koi us oppaar
Jo tujhe yaad kerta hai
Main ne kaha pata nahin
Per sochna bahut achha lagta hai.

Though I had gone there to blog about it, but seeing them recite, I too plunged to recite  my poem on India Pakistan peace, in my debut Mushaira.
A few of its verses are:

Nafrat ki gathri ko mein ney
Phenk diya hai gireh laga ker
Hasrat se ab khol rahi hoon
Yaadon bharey iss thailey ko
Pyaar ki taaza hawa lagaane
Aman ki roshan dhoop dikhane.

Tum bhi aao, kholo apni
Saari gaanthein, saare bull
Tum bhi apne jholey mein se
Bujhe huwe woh deep nikalo
Un yaadon ke, un baaton ke
Un qisson ke, jo itne zyada
Dohratey the jab Nana Dada
Chehre unke damka jaate the
Ankhein unki chamka detey the….

Film Festival : As part of the Film Festival for Mosaic, with a line up of some really wonderful films,  the visitors were  treated with Reload and Jab We met.

With a lot more to come on the remaining three days : http://www.cre8iv80studio.com/index.asp

Please do not play politics with the health of innocent kids !

Published in @ETribune : http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/12865/dont-play-god-with-the-lives-of-innocent-children/

As the rest of the world is sprinting forward, we in Pakistan seem to be walking backwards. One used to get this sense sometimes, but now with passage of time, it comes more often. With the fact that most of the difficult places like India having grappled with a serious health issue like Polio, and are at the turn of calling themselves polio free, we in Pakistan are not just not close to that, but even retreating fast to make sure we get further away from this dream.

The news of North Waziristan deciding to impose Polio drops ban in their area as a protest against the drones, or the boycotting of Polio campaign in Drazinda village while protesting against the load shedding, brings in not just shivers to the health conscious on this globe, but also gives yet another reason for Pakistan to be a focus in the international circles for a ridiculous reason.

They have a right to register their protests against drone’s attacks, or of Dr Afridi’s betrayal or even against load shedding. But how is this justified by turning ones guns against the innocent kids who are in no way directly or indirectly responsible for any of these unfair actions.

How is banning of Polio drops to the kids going to make a difference to the drones? Is it not akin to hitting your own foot with an axe, crippling yourself even more, making your own children, who are the youth of tomorrow, be burdened with more illhealth and handicap? How will this help them stop drone attacks, or generate more electricity or prevent more Dr Afridis being recruited?

How are risking one’s own children to a crippled life, a way of avenging the atrocities of the aggressors?

As said by a twitter friend: “Taliban want to kick US outta Afghanistan/Pakistan but they never know kicking with polio affected legs is quite impossible ‪#PolioBan‬”

No atrocity is large enough to avenge the innocent kids, be they are from any ethnic community or faith or nationality. And to our horror, the Taleban are putting to risk their very own kids.

A tweep justifying the Polio ban remarks: “But people from your profession (referring to Dr Afridi) for betraying the Polio campaign”.

Does one or a few insincere health professionals justify you to make your own children risk being crippled with Polio. Who are you hurting by this? The health professionals or your own kids?

They argue the drones kill more children than from Polio? Yes this is true, and killing of children by drones is criminal like risking the health of innocent children by Polio ban is criminal too. They harm and kill your children, but you in return risk crippling your own children. Is there any commonsense in this logic?
Those who continue and justify drones by all means, will they stop by your threat of Polio ban? Who will it hurt the drones or your own kids?

Or is it because this is the easiest way out, to kick out the unarmed sincere medical personnel, and lash out at unaware innocent children, both of whom will not be able to defend back, this extremely  unfair decision, with equal force.

As a medical professional, I can only scream loud and cry that they have no right to aggressively jeopardise the health of the innocent, at the cost of another aggression.

Which sect of Islam, or which moral value of humanity or which aspect of the hospitality of the large hearted tribals justify for avenging a wrong action with usurping the rights of the meek and the powerless , innocent kids?

Avenging an injustice, by risking the health and crippling your own children for life?
What kind of courage and valour is this?

I am aghast to see that there are educated on Twitter who are justifying‪ the polio vaccination ban, what to talk of those who give it a silent support. ‪

Polio vaccination ‬ campaign should not be used as a shield against drones. It wont help, but be counterproductive. Will it harm the aggressors or the innocent Pakistani kids?
‪

Polio isn’t petty politics for which politicians, civil society, liberals or conservatives, or general public should not speak up. For the health of Pakistani kids, and for the sake of humanity, please speak up.

I beg you all, please speak up against the Polio Vaccination ban.

This appeal was in response to this news :

http://articles.cnn.com/2012-07-17/asia/world_asia_pakistan-taliban-polio-vaccine_1_polio-vaccines-polio-campaign-drone-strikes

 

Nirala Sawera

Dedicated to the events :  

Pledge for Peace Launch in UTM, Mississauga, ON.  https://www.facebook.com/events/398846800175596/

Aug 14-15, 2012 Pakistanis, Indians, celebrate Independence Day for Peace
https://www.facebook.com/events/185174041611282/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/amankiasha1/#!/events/243690589069619/

Nafrat ki gathri ko mein ney
Phenk diya hai gireh laga ker
Hasrat se ab khol rahi hoon
Yaadon bharey iss thailey ko
Pyaar ki taaza hawa lagaane
Aman ki roshan dhoop dikhane.

Tum bhi aao, kholo apni
Saari gaanthein, saare bull
Tum bhi apne jholey mein se
Bujhe huwe woh deep nikalo
Un yaadon ke, un baaton ke
Un qisson ke, jo itne zyada
Dohratey the jab Nana Dada
Chehre unke damka jaate the
Ankhein unki chamka detey the.

Usee dhamak ki roshni mein tar
Usee chamak ki lau ko lekar
Mein bhi apna deep jalaaoon
Tum bhi apna diya jalaao
Roshan phir se rahon ko ker dein
Taaron se  khwabon ko bher dein.

Apna apna diya jalaa ker
Saare apne dard bhulaker
Mil ker jab sub saath chalenge
Haath me lekar haath chalenge
Dhal jayegi ghurbat ki sham
Ho paayegi khush haali aam.

Lekin saw nahin, hazaar nahin,
Saath her ek ko chalna hogaa.
Sirf mera ya tumhara nahin,
Diya her ek ka jalna hogaa.
Karoron diye jo saath jalenge,
Dil mein nai umang bharenge.
Pher door jab andhera hogaa,
To kya nirala yeh SAWERA hoga.

Ilmana Fasih
June 6, 2012

Stress~the silent killer

You are not alone. Stress is a phenomenon affecting all people from all walks of life, in all countries.

Stress is man’s psycho-emotional response to everyday challenging issues and its overload of demands, in excess to his capacity to cope.

What causes stress? 

Stress can  be caused by multiple reasons that occur in everyday life,  like  unexpected turns and twists in career, relationship problems in family or outside, financial losses, fear of disease or death, even a small tiff with near and dear ones may cause stress.

As goes the saying, “There is no stress either before birth or after death”

How does stress affect us?

The manifestation of stress depending upon its intensity or duration. It begins in the head, but descends down to affect the whole body. There can be a healthy body only when there is a healthy mind. It may manifest outwardly as:

• Insomnia
• Involuntary weight loss or gain
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Anger/ Rage

Stress being silent operator, most people do not realize that they are dangerously living with it, till they suffer from its grave after affects.
And when prolonged without intervention can lead to serious issues like:

• Bodyache/Backaches ( all pains seem exaggerated in stress)
• Asthma ( not all but some asthmatic attacks are result of psychogenic stress)
• Hypertension
• Stomach ulcers
• Diabetes
• Heart (cardiovascular) diseases.
• Depression
• Suicides.

Studies show: Stress is a major contributing factors either directly or indirectly, to coronary artery disease, cancer, respiratory disorders, injuries due to accidents, cirrhosis of the liver and suicides.

DO YOU KNOW?  

One American is reported to be dying every minute due to stress related cardiac arrest. The medical costs due to direct or indirect consequences of stress alone have been estimated in the United States at well over 1 billion US dollars per year.

A person tries to commit suicide in China every two minutes, giving the country one of the highest suicide rates in the world. These have positive correlation with high intensity stress, owing to an ultra modern life style in a highly competitive environment.

What should you NOT do during stress:

 Smoking
 Drinking too much
 Overeating or under eating
 Long hours in front of the TV or computer
 Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities
 Using pills or drugs to relax
 Sleeping too much
 Procrastinating
 Keeping toobusy to avoid facing problems
 Taking out your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence)
 Carry your office work or stress at home.

KNOW THAT: “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” ~Mark Twain

How to control Stress:

The key principle to follow in case of stress would be to ignore what cannot be controlled and to control what cannot be ignored.

Face the music: For managing stress there can be two approaches ‘fight’ or ‘flight’. Either face the music or escape it. You cannot wish away stress. It is and will be an integral part of modern and increasingly competitive society.

Stay in control: Do not let the stress to control you. Keep stress under check through will power, proper cultivation of mind, cultivation of positive psyche and meditation.

Be an optimist: Optimistic outlook, cheerful temperament, positive attitude, cultivating sympathy, self discipline, all help to keep mind in good shape. Session with God can be a kind of divine-de-stressor.

Eat Healthy: By having a healthy diet, doing regular exercise, and getting enough sleep your body will be able to cope with the stress.

Move forward: Do not needlessly get tied to the past, get over hangover of the last night and start the morning with a hope for a bright day and brighter tomorrow.
Think of pleasant past, enjoy your present and plan for a future with cheers.

Be a home pigeon: Make home your love nest, where office does not exist. Parents, wife, children are your love companions. Reserve Sundays and holiday for spending time with your loved ones, for relaxation and recreation. Your family is the last line of defense against stress.

Tickle your funny bone: Include humor in your life. Laugh away the oddities of life.

Love yourself: Have a me time. Listen to music, see movies, read favorite authors, cultivate hobbies.

Be a social animal: Invite friends over at home, eat together, laugh together, spend week ends or vacations out with friends.

BOTTOM LINE: You can yourself pose to CALM down stress, what ‘CALMPOSE’ cannot do.

This text of this blog is generously contributed by Dr Raminderjit Singh. Thank you, Doc

A closer look into polygamy

P.S: This piece is written purely as a  personal observation on personal impact of Polygamy on the lives of women concerned, without judging the theological, or general social implications of Polygamy.

I was raised by a father, who for some personal reasons intensely hated the idea of even teasing one’s wife for another ‘shaadi’. He insisted this was a sadistic joke.

And with this in the background I landed as a newlywed in a place where ‘other’ wife  was not only talked about with much thrill, but polygamy was quite often practiced in real.

Several times in the beginning I was snubbed for my disapproval of it, by the pious, for it being allowed and mentioned in Islam  in so many words- one, two, three or four.

One of the relatively polite friends explained; “See in their society, this is the norm, so they don’t mind. I know of co-wives living in absolute harmony. Since we are not used to this, we find it strange and get critical.” This coming from a non judgemental, desi friend born and bred in west, I had no reason to doubt.

For the first few years, as a stay home Mom of two little kids, all I heard was the men’s side of the story. In a very matter of fact, non threatening manner, my husband would tell me the juicy comments that were hurled at him. “Young, handsome man, with only one wife, look at me I’m 65, and have three.”

Age was no bar, and talking of multiple wives or of planning to take more was the favourite ‘boy-talk’, more so for those on the wrong side of age.

On replying to some random patient’s off the cuff marriage proposal, that he was married, my husband was preached, “So what, I am not asking you to divorce her. Allah has allowed you to keep up to four.”

Even while visiting parents for a long holiday relatives would question, “So might your husband not marry someone in your absence? It’s so common there.”

Thank God, insecurity never came close to me. Not because it could not happen, or that it was allowed in Islam but because, if he had to, my fears would not stop him.

As I joined back work, I incidentally landed to work in  a community where polygamy was more common, than not, especially for the middle aged and elderly men. They usually had two or three and few even had four wives. The eldest wife would be almost their age, as they generally married very young, but the others would be years or many times several decades younger to them.

However, the outlook of polygamy being acceptable by the women in that society, totally turned out to be a mere myth. Almost all women, whether unlettered or educated, housewives or working, young or old, urban or rural, who had other co wives were nowhere near normal in accepting the ‘other woman, or in many cases other women.

Except for one curious case, where the first wife had been through hell after her husband got the second. When he married the third, she came to me (being my patient), rejoicing, “The second one is screaming and crying. Now will she know what hell I went through when she came in?”
The third wife was almost as old as the daughter of the first wife, but they ended up being great friends, all conniving against the middle one.

Rest all of them, I knew were tragic sagas or epitomes of jealousy. The anger and jealousy corroded not just their individual selves, but their families too.

Complains of the other doing a ‘sahar’ ( black magic) was the most frequent. Curious, and unbelievable accusations were hurled by them at each other.

Once, a young lady in her early thirties came hysterical complaining that her womb and vagina were filled with worms after the younger one did ‘sahar’ on her. I took the history and she was most consistent in describing  the symptoms, and explaining them in explicit details.
“Why would she do this?” I asked
“Because she does not want me to get pregnant.”
On examination, when nothing positive came out, she rejoiced claiming that it was because before coming here, she had visited the Sheikh, who made for her dua and gave her something to eat. Instead of thanking me for finding nothing, she kept praising the sheikh for his instant miracle.

Was she lying? No

Was she insane?  No.

This was simply the manifestation of morbid jealousy, which usually occurs among the co-wives or suspicious wives. Her jealousy had induced the delusions of such sort in her mind.

( By definition: Morbid jealousy aka Othello Syndrome or Delusional jealousy, is a psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a strong delusional belief that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful without having any, very little, or insignificant proof to back up their claim.)

For more strong hearted, there was always a tug of war as to who would grab the attention and money from her husband more. Unfortunately for them the attention meant the number of nights he spent with her as compared to the other co-wives.

Spying on each other was a routine, and they frequently inquired:

“The other one had an appointment with you yesterday. Is she pregnant?”
or
“Why was she here? Is there anything wrong with her?”

It took some time before I learnt the flawless trick of how to evade such questions without offending them.

A friendly patient, recently divorced, in a conversation requested: “Look for me a Pakistani man.”
Before I could even think out an answer she continued, “How about your husband”.
Although this one was purely uttered in humour, for them such talk was not a taboo.

What I personally observed was that as a direct result of polygamy, marital discord, domestic abuse and divorces were frequent too.

A husband talking to another woman was generally taken with suspicion. Many of them were even paranoid.

However, they had a reason to, since deciding to take a second or a third wife was as easy as deciding to buy another car on top of the old one. All it required was certain amount of money to pay as dower to the father of the bride.

It even had its economic toll, when one man with average wage was to fend for a family larger than normal, and even when he had surplus money, instead of improving the plight of the home, he would prefer to   finance another wedding for himself.

Many smart women manipulated the situation by never letting their husband have enough money to even think of a second one.

Broadly speaking it kept the women constantly in a hyper vigil, anxious state. This certainly took its toll on the children too. They got entangled in the cross politics at home, and many of them, especially girls  grew up disliking their fathers, and hating step mothers. Jealousies corroded the families and individual values.

Once, on discussing about our family life, keeping our savings in a common pool, for a future project, one of the colleagues, who was herself a second wife remarked:

“I wish I was from a culture like yours, where I lived with my husband as a cooperative wife and not as a spend thrift, or as a guard, constantly on high alert. I wouldn’t care even if I was from a poor country like Pakistan.”

OsteoArthritis ~the wear and tear joint disease

Osteoarthritis (OA) is the commonest form of arthritis that occurs as a result of wear and tear of the joint.
As the protective cushion over the bones within the joints, called cartilage, gets worn out gradually, the symptoms get worse. The joints begin to crackle, get stiff, then pain and ultimately cause limited mobility.

Note: This is different from Rheumatoid Arthritis, which occurs in young age, and is less common, but more severe.

Which Joints?

It can occur in any joint, but the most commonly affected are those joints that are used the most- of hands, lower back, knees and hip.

What happens to the joints?

In knee joint:

In the spine:

What can a damaged joint do?
From stiffness, the joints progress to pain off and on, then more lasting pain, ultimately leading to limitation of joint movement, and restricted mobility. The damaged joint can cause blockage of blood supply to the joints, bleeding in the joint or permanent bone impairment.

Although there are pain killers, acupuncture, physiotherapy which can reduce pain, or even surgical procedures like joint replacements, which can improve joint function, but it is the wisest to slow the wear and tear ahead of time.

Risks that are associated with increased wear and tear osteoarthritis are:

• Older age.
• Gender: Women are more likely to develop osteoarthritis, though it isn’t clear why.
• Bone deformities: Some people are born with malformed joints or defective cartilage, which can increase the risk of osteoarthritis.
• Joint injuries:Injuries from sports or from an accident, hasten the wear and tear, and hence OA.
• Obesity: It is common sense that heavier the weight, faster and worse is the wear and tear.
• Sedentary lifestyle as the more the activity, the more nourished is the cartilage.
• Occupational: Jobs that cause repetitive stress of a particular joint also increase the wear and tear-like the joints of hands in typists, computer users, knees n those who stand for long like the policemen, etc.
• Other diseases.: Diabetes, underactive Thyroid, Gout or Paget’s disease of bone can increase the wear and tear OA.

How can we slow down the wear and tear of joints?

OA is not inevitable with old age one follows a healthy life style. However,  cannot avoid age related wear and tear, but one can certainly minimize the damage caused by misuse of our joints.

You can be a best friend of your joints if you:

1 – Maintain Your Ideal Body Weight : A force of 3-6 times a person’s body weight is exerted across the knee while walking e.g.being 10 pounds overweight increases the force on the knee by 30-60 lbs with each step taken while walking. The force across the hip is, at most, 3 times the body weight. Losing weight reduces stress on the joints substantially.

2 – Exercise Regularly and Participate in Regular Physical Activity For optimal joint health, it’s recommended that people perform 30 minutes of moderately strenuous exercise at least 5 days a week. It’s an established fact that regular exercise has health benefits

3 – Protect Your Joints: There are several joint protection principles, which if followed, will help to conserve energy and preserve joint function. The advice is quite simple, but you must be mindful of proper movements and recognize body signals (e.g., pain). Good posture and proper body mechanics is important.
Check the various Joint protection techniques: http://www.spectrumrehab.net/Articles/joint-protection-techniques.html

4 – Avoid Repetitive Stress on the Joints: Signs of repetitive stress include too many uninterrupted repetitions of an activity or motion, unnatural or awkward motions, overexertion, incorrect posture, and muscle fatigue. Unfortunately most of them are occupational and hard to avoid. Hence one has to create innovative ways to avoid them.
{Clue: Search on internet prevention of joint stress specific to your occupation}.

5 – Listen to Your Pain: This recommendation seems so obvious, yet people don’t always do it. Learning to view pain as a signal that you are overdoing it and that it’s time to rest requires conscious effort. Balancing rest and activity is optimal for healthy joints. It’s part of self-management to learn not to overuse your joints and to learn not to push past your limits. Consider that the pain is like a stop sign.

6 – Avoid Injury to Joints: Previous joint injury is recognized as a common cause of osteoarthritis. In joints burdened by improper alignment due to injury, articular cartilage wears away and osteoarthritis can begin to develop. Avoid injury if at all possible — and if you do injure a joint, seek treatment immediately.

Myths about OsteoArthritis:

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Reflections of a little mind !

For years as a little girl I did not know the exact literal meaning of the word ‘socialite’.

Having seen pictures in the centre pages of magazines, I knew they were pretty, mostly in full make up which looked so natural, nearly always dressed nicely and almost always wore the most enviable jewellery one could imagine.
Honestly, at times I did not even find them pretty, but everyone, in their hi-fi circles thought them ‘beautiful’ or ‘stunning’. Not quite sure if they thought them beautiful or just called them beautiful on their face. But yes the magazines did quote them ‘good looking.’

I also wondered why they took so much pride in being called “Heyy sexy!”  Weren’t they annoyed or scared, when someone called them that?  Perhaps they did not have to travel in crowded buses, or pass through quiet alleys after dusk, where if they were ever hurled that same phrase, it would have taken life out of their limbs and made them run for their life. So how would they know that?

I also wondered what was it that made them be called ‘socialites’. Did they do social work?  But I never saw any mention of that in those glamour magazines they made regular appearances in.

Imagine, I did not even have the common sense to guess they did a lot of social events like throwing birthday parties, barbecues, celebrations, bashes and sometimes even parties without any reasons to earn that title. I wonder perhaps I envied how come they were able to hop from one party to another like butterflies. And how is it that their parties always got coverage in those glossy magazines, when it wasn’t even a fund raiser for a cause?

As a little girl I also wondered, “Didn’t they ever get bored of just enjoying, partying, wearing nice dresses all the time? Weren’t they ever bored of being happy go lucky and smiley all the time?”

“If it is all a hullabaloo because they are rich, then why and how did they get rich?” I always wondered as a little girl.

I was stupid enough not to understand they had rich parents, who let them do all this. But then how could I know this, because my parents weren’t anything close to rich. They didn’t even let me have enough pocket money for buying a puff pastry in the school cafeteria, I just had to suffice with a sasta samosa, that too once in a while.

I actually wondered how their Moms and Dads raised them, “Didn’t they have to study hard to grow up, to be ‘something’ in life?”
I could guess they didn’t have to get good grades in school; just an expensive school’s name where they’ve been was enough of a merit for them.

If there was twitter then, I am sure I would have wondered why they had so many followers while they barely followed back only a hundredth of them.

And the tweets they tweeted were just too ordinary to be given so much attention.

With tweets showing off like

“Went into my helicopter to Las Vegas”,

“Ate a red velvet cake with fresh cream”,

“Wearing a ******** (big brand) pink dress” with a Fickr image of it.

Well I would certainly have wondered how was that 10k dress any better than my pink lace frock I wore on my 6th birthday, which Ammi just tailored herself after buying the lace from a bumper sale.

I would even would have wondered why some serious people were so very concerned to clarify what their tweets meant, when on rare occasions their tweets weren’t that clear and straight forward:

Example
Socialtie: Went to a spa, had a massage and got adjusted.
A follower: Adjusted?

Well, perhaps I wasn’t made of that material to fathom the depth of what a socialite is meant to be. And, understand,  I was just a little girl then.

But tell you a secret; I still cannot get the sense of the purpose of this word Socialite.

It’s just a Menopause !

Menopause simply means:
*A woman will not be having periods anymore. Hence she will not be able to get pregnant. It certainly does not mean that she has lost her womanhood or feminity.

Menopause is that point in time when periods stop forever. You can know that you had a menopause, only after a year has passed, and the period has not resumed.
Usual age for menopause is 51 years. (But it can be upto 55 years. Those who have before 40 have early menopause.)
Before the period actually stops, a woman undergoes some change in life symptoms. This period of transition is called PERIMENOPAUSE

Why is it important for you to know about menopause?

The change in menopause can be divided into Short term and Long term.

In the short term:

It is important to know in advance that while approaching menopause a woman undergoes certain physical and psychological symptoms, whose awareness helps her and her family (especially the spouse) to understand her situation and tackle it better.
• Periods start to get more and more irregular about 4-5 years prior to menopause. Some get it scanty, while in some they become heavy due to hormonal imbalance.
• Woman may feel sudden feeling of a heat wave and then sweating, called Hot Flashes. They can come anytime in the day, at night f during sleep, and can be very annoying to the woman. It is mainly because of the fluctuating hormone levels in the body.
• Mood swings may occur, with crying spells and even depression in some.
• Dryness and thinning in the vaginal walls, difficulty in holding capacity of urine,
• Stress, trouble sleeping, forgetfulness and feeling of laziness- if you are not prepared for the menopause mentally and physically.

MYTH 1: That menopause will make a woman less interested in her sexual life. It may happen with some, but for some others, they feel more relaxed as there is no fear of getting pregnant.

MYTH 2: In the late forties when the periods get irregular, many women think they will not get pregnant anymore and get relaxed on using birth control. This often causes them to get pregnant unexpectedly. Hence, do not stop contraception unless periods have completely stopped.

In the long term:

• It is very important to  realise that with the present life span of 70+ years now the woman spends at least ( if not more) a third or 40% of their life after menopause. Hence it is important to know how to stay healthy in this period of life.

• A woman becomes as vulnerable to heart disease as any man, as high oestrogens previously protected her from heart attacks or stroke.

• With menopause the bone density goes down rapidly and a woman after some years may develop thinning of bones called Osteoporosis
(Osteoporosis is a serious problem. If not taken care this can have serious after effects. Check for it in the next blog).

What should you do?

Know that menopause is a normal change in a woman’s life and it has to come when you are around 50. Hence better be mentally and physically prepared for it.

What preparations do you need to do?

EASY: If not earlier, when you enter into forties, MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFESTYLE.

STEP 1: Exercise, exercise, exercise:

Benefits of exercise are too many:
• This make menopausal symptoms less severe
• It will keep heart healthy after menopause
• Prevent bone loss or osteoporosis after the menopause
• Will prevent weight gain after menopause.

STEP 2: Stop smoking, reduce on tea and coffee- as they all increase bone loss, smoking increases risk of heart disease.

STEP 3: Take Vitamin supplements, especially Calcium and Vitamin D. The daily dose required for women around 50 is Calcium 1200 mgs and Vitamin D 800 micrograms.

STEP 4: Keep reminding yourself, menopause hasn’t taken your womanhood away or that you are old. Keep a good sense of humour and consider it a good change.

TIP: It is likely the time when children are older, or may even leave home …so empty nest syndrome can make you feel more depressed. Develop hobbies which will keep you stimulated and stress free. If the children have grown up and you have fewer responsibilities, do think of dedicating some time to public service and giving back to the society.
Hint: teach a poor child, join a social work, etc.

Is there any treatment of menopausal problems?

If tolerable, the symptoms may need no treatment and just reassurance. But if unbearable, you need to SEE A DOCTOR  for advice or medications.
The most immediate problem during the menopause to most women is HOT FLASHES. To minimize them:

• Try to avoid things that may trigger hot flashes, like spicy foods, alcohol, caffeine, stress, being in a hot place.
• Dress in layers, and remove some when you feel a flash starting.
• Use a fan in your home or workplace.
• Try taking slow, deep breaths when a hot flash starts
• There are medications too to help in hot flashes, but for that you need to see a doctor.

For vaginal dryness or discomfort there are water based gels or oestrogen creams, which help, and can v be asked from a doctor’s advice.

The main problem is however the long term bones loss. But this can be prevented too.

• To keep your bones strong, you need weight-bearing exercise, suchas walking, climbing stairs, or using weights.
• You can also protect bone health by eating foods rich in calcium and vitamin D, or by taking calcium and vitamin D supplements.
• Not smoking also helps protect your bones.

Are there Alternative Therapies?  

There are certain herbal and natural remedies too. eg Soy which contain natural phyto oestrogens in foods like Tofu, soya milk, soya beans. There are other names too like black cohosh, Oil of evening primrose etc, but they have not n been well researched. Do talk to your doctor before taking them, in case they clash with your medications.

CAUTION: After you have had a menopause, if ever the period returns, it is not a normal period. It could be something serious causing the bleeding. Hence do not ignore and show to your doctor as soon as possible.

Last of all: Maintain high spirits, and good sense of humor. Do not think this as a negative change in life. Return to your childhood, playfulness is possible. 

Traditional Chinese Wedding vs Desi

Befriending a Chinese colleague closely has busted a lot of myths with which I grew, primarily them being reserved or unfriendly. Going though her wedding pictures ( which took place 27 years ago in Shanghai), I could not with hold my surprise, of the similarity between their wedding and our desi one , in terms of similarity of rituals, elaborate celebrations and expenditure.

“Our weddings are extremely elaborate and interesting.”  remarked my friend.

Exactly like us desis, Chinese believe that marriages are arranged in Heaven, and merely completed on Earth. They believe the predestined couple is tied with red string in the Heaven, long before the marriage occurs on Earth.

For them too, it is a union between two families, not just two individuals.

The traditional Chinese too have elaborate rituals of sending marriage proposals to the girls family. Once decided, it is a must for the two families to consult the fortune teller ( as a Jyotishi in Hindu wedding) about the auspicious date for the wedding.

The invitation cards are as elaborate and showy as ours.

 

Red color is overwhelmingly predominant in every Chinese wedding, as it represents luck and happiness.

The celebrations begin days before the actual ceremony.

Days before the wedding, the bride is expected to stay away from the eyes of the general public, in isolation.

The groom’s family brings gifts to the bride’s home days before the wedding,  while the bride’s family returns the gifts along with clothes and gifts to the groom, his parents and unmarried siblings.

 

 

Like us desis, the bride’s side is also expected to deliver dowry and money to the grooms home, the amount of which  states the dignity and position of the bride’s family.

On the day of the wedding day, as  she gets ready, the bride goes through a hair combing ceremony where a ‘lucky’ woman, mostly a married woman ( = our suhagan) combs her hair 4 times. Each stroke carries a special meaning. The first combing blessed the marriage to last a lifetime; the second, a harmonious marriage; the third, many children and grandchildren ; and the fourth, good health and fortune.

The bride adorns a red gown, red shoes and covers her face with a red veil.

However, the groom, unlike our groom, wears red robe, red sash. A capping ceremony like our ‘sehra bandi’ takes place where his head is covered with cypress leaves by the father.

 

Amidst the banging of gongs, drums and firecrackers, ( like an Indian baraat),  the groom leaves for the bride’s house in a procession.

 

As the groom steps in the brides house, the brides sisters & friends stop his way and bargain for entry towards the bride.

The bride leaves her home for the wedding arena under a red umbrella to ward off evil.

However the basic difference between the desi and Chinese wedding is the main ceremony.

They do not have any written contract or chanting of verses.
The couple goes on its knees and bows thrice- for the Heavens, the ancestors and their parents. They even bow to each other in a gesture of promising faithfulness to each other. There are no spoken vows.

 

Like us desis, the banquet is extremely elaborate, with 9 or 10 course meals.

However unlike us, each meals signifies something. First course is pig which signifies virginity, followed by others eg   fish & seafood for wealth and abundance,  pigeon for peaceful marriage, and whole chicken head for togetherness.

For details in the 10 courses: http://www.boneats.ca/2010/08/food-culture-chinese-wedding-banquets.html

 

The preferred presents like us desis are generally in  cash, which has to be placed  in red envelopes called Hongbao. The amount of money given varies upon the closeness of the giver to the bride-groom.

 

 

After the ceremony and the feast, the bride serves her  in laws  tea, holding with both hands, showing a gesture of her service and faithfulness to her new family.

 

What excited me most was to know that like our old tradition, the Chinese bride also leaves for her husbands home in a hand held  carriage quite like our doli.

 

Although now only a few girls like this tradition, and now this has largely been been replaced by more posh mode of transport i.e. a car which is mostly extensively decorated with fresh red roses.

 

Some of the rich who can afford prefer a red car itself.

 

The ‘bridal bed’ as it is called is arranged quite a few days in advance in an elaborate ceremony, taking care the direction of the bed. The details here too depend upon the affordability of the groom. However all have traditional red bedding and are spread with fruits on it, which signify fertility— red dates, litchis and longans.

In the next morning, the bride gets up early to prepare meals for the new family.

Three days later she visits her parents along with her husband, as a special guest.

The picture that inspired me to write this blog ( Courtesy Tahir Hashmi) was this, which reminded me of the Hindu wedding’s pheras:

 

“Many of the Chinese youngsters are now  getting more fond of  traditional wedding, after two decades of having had more modern weddings.” added my friend.

(Special thanks to my friend Jenny for the details & helping dish out pictures)

Smart Art

With smoking zones shrinking more and more in public spaces, poor puffers barely get the ground to stand on,  in this smoking alley in a Hotel. They can’t even raise their heads to blow off the smoke, all for the roving eyes ‘looking down’ upon them,  from the roof top. Wouldn’t be wrong to say,  ”Roof has been taken away from smoker’s heads.”

The artist paints with his hands, what he sees through  his heart.  The artist here sees no wall,  but a passage right through it. Quite like  when Napoleon’s Army questioned how would they cross Alps, he replied, “There are no Alps.”

 

And then the epic Palestine-Israel  wall and it’s art of resistance. This speaks volumes of the hope that artists paint  on the canvas of  hopelessness. Paintbrush is their weapon, ideas their gunpowder.

  

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How I wish we all envisioned  in front of us, “There are no walls.”

P.S. Please click over the pictures to see them larger and with greater details.