This is the net summary of the conversation I had with a great school friend living thousands of miles away. He began with the pun on women and then another lady friend joined the conference call and it ended up with pun on men as usual…..
Men are like…
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
… Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually are a cause of your migraine.
The best ones are rich, warm, and give you insomnia.
You can’t believe a word they say.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
… Curling Irons.
They’re always hot with rage and trying to straighten your expenditure while shopping.
… Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
… Lava Lamps.
Good to look at, but not all that bright.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
… Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
They are hollow in the core with swollen ego all around.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters and other Single women
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for men of any age. Age doesn’t matter- they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal…
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What’s the best way to kill a man?
Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.
And the best ones…..
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.</ 😀 😀 😀